third base is when you both discuss your emotional trauma with one another
(via neverlandical)
my parrot is a fucking dumbass with no sense of self-preservation. proof? he got spooked by a pear - by all accounts a green and tasty friend - and flew into a wall to escape, but when greeted with a sink full of soapy boiling water - by all accounts a harmful, bird-killing abyss - he launched himself into it at top speed and cried when I locked him in baby jail to stop him from killing himself.
Please tell your parrot I still love him.
he just threw his seeds all over the carpet and laughed about it so I will not
(via neverlandical)
